As an adult I've moved a fair bit and my friends from School in Yorksire and university are pretty scattered around the country (even the world.) My best friend Lorraine lives in Inverness. Luckily my oldest friend Ruth lives closer in Kent. At each place I've worked I've made friends who I have kept in touch with to some degree. There have been good friends who have drifted away as well.
But when we moved from London to Biggleswade it felt a little like moving house as a child. Especially as I was no longer working in an office but working from home. I felt really, really lonely. I was better off than so many people, I have Jason and family less than 2 hours away. But I had no one close by to talk to or share time with. I met a couple of local people on Twitter, one of whom Pete, I met up with for coffee not long after having eye surgery that went a bit wrong, so I could hardly see a thing when we met! That was in the July 2011 but after Jase and I got married and Christmss was approaching that year I had to admit to myself I felt really lonely. It was making me feel depressed. So for the first time in my life I admitted that I felt lonely and I told Pete I was lonely and asked him if he knew anyone I might get on with. He suggested a meet up with his friend Alice.
Since then we haven't looked back. Alice and I meet up for a natter and a coffee regularly. Luckily both our husbands get on which is great. We have gaming evenings, BBQs, walks in the summer and I haven't felt lonely since. We're all very excited now that Alice and Jon are about to have their second child.
It turns out that my friend Pete also read the article in the Guardian today and we had a chat on Twitter about loneliness. We both felt that it can be particularly hard to make friends if you don't conform to a particular "type" - say for example in your 30s or 40s but have no kids. So if you're a parent, particularly a Mum, you get to meet other parents at the school gate or through your children's friends. Though a number of my friends with Children have pointed out that you're lucky if just one of these friends you meet through your kids, genuinely has the same interests as you. Also if you're shy and the thought of a mother and toddler group terrifies you, you're not likely to go a long. If you aren't one for small talk, or if you're a man and you don't talk "football" I've been told, this can be difficult.
I think loneliness is a real issue for so many people yet we don't talk about it. Admitting you're lonely is like admitting you're a failure or that there's something wrong with you. Yet I've not met a person yet who hasn't admitted to being lonely at some point of their lives.
I think that the Internet can help - I've met some lovely friends through Twitter who have become offline friends as well as online ones. I have even managed to connect with those friends I left behind in Newquay 27 years ago, through Facebook, this year which has been so lovely.
So I wanted to blog today to say if you're lonely, don't be hard on yourself and think you've done something wrong. The important thing is to reach out. Find likeminded people either locally or on the Internet. It does work.
1 comment:
It's a good point Natalie about women who have children making lots of friends at NCT, the school gates etc. I sadly don't have children and have found that friends who do drift away for a while to their new mummy friends (understandable as they're all going through the same life stage) but come back again when they want some non-mummy company! I'd say I've got lots of friends but as they're scattered all over the country I don't see them very often at all, and rely on a group of three friends I've been fortunate to meet locally. It's also harder to meet people when you have a physical impairment as it stops one joining some groups and clubs. Don't be lonely Natalie, I'm always there on Facebook! :-)
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