Disappointment

I don't deal with disappointment well, in fact I deal with it about as badly as I deal with needing to be patient about something. So when I'm impatient for something and then let down I don't cope very well at all.

Eye problems
As you'll know I've had two lots of eye surgery this year. The surgery was to correct a problem which was similar to a cataract. Basically bits of the old cataract I had as a baby which wasn't completely  removed back then had moved into my line of vision and gradually over the last 10 years my vision had got steadily worse. You'll also know that the first op went wrong and I ended up losing most of my sight temporarily in my left eye. But the second op back in July corrected it.

It left me needing a new prescription for my glasses and my contact lenses. Moorfields being a very busy and successful hospital I had to wait 6 weeks for a optometry appointment for new glasses and 10 weeks for my contact lens appointment (and I was lucky to get that so soon!) But you know I was prepared to be patient and wait.

Optometry
Well 5 weeks ago I had my appointment to get my eyes tested for new glasses. My prescription has changed considerably - but I could tell them that. My vision with out any correction from glasses and contact lenses is very different to what it used to be. Not better if anything worse. Wearing my old glasses and contact lenses my close to vision was a lot better than before the op. I can read news paper print again  something I've not been able to do for many years. But my distance vision was terrible. So I knew my sight could be corrected with glasses and lenses but just that my old prescription was clearly wrong now.

This was proved by the optometrist who said that the magnification of my left lens in my glasses had reduced from a +15 to a +11 but most surprisingly my astigmatism had moved from something like +9 to +1. I don't really understand what this means but I think it has something to do with where you focus. I don't have a lens to help me focus or change focus as my lens was removed with the cataracts when I was a baby.

So my glasses were ordered, unlike the last time I ordered glasses I had extremely limited choices to what frames or type of lens I had. Also there seemed to be an issue with having a particularly powerful bifocal. I was told it could take 3 weeks to get my glasses. I wasn't happy with the idea of waiting that long but what can you do? When 3 weeks had come and there was no sign of the glasses I called the hospital. I was told the lenses were still being made by the manufacturers, and not much more.

I was at Moorfields last week getting my contact lenses sorted out so I popped down to optometry to find out what was happening with my glasses and was told that the manfacturer had been called and they had assured them that my lenses would be sent to Moorfields early this week and so I'd get them by today. They didn't show up.

After trying for 2 hours to speak to someone at Moorfields I was finally told they were at the hospital, so I said I'd come and collect them rather than wait for them to be posted out. I was then told that they had already been posted to me yesterday. OK I thought they should get here on Saturday. I was then contacted to be told that a mistake had been made and my glasses were not at Moorfields and the lenses still hadn't arrived from the manufacturers. As the manager wasn't there today I was told I'd have to wait until Monday to get the situation sorted out.

It'll be 5 weeks next week since they were ordered and it will be 5 months since I last had a pair of glasses which I could see out of! I am not happy.

Some good news though
I did get my new contact lens today, it took 5 days to get here! Now why can't Moorfields spectacles department be as efficient as the contact lens one!

So I very excitedly put my new lens in. It was wonderful at first. I looked out across the fields and could see so much more clearly than I've been able to for the last 5 months. Could I see better than before the op? Well its hard to tell as it was 5 months ago and the main issues I had before the op were around very specific situations like reading small print, seeing in the dark and navigating steps etc. I think that for the navigating steps these new lenses will be great. I'll be able to tell more about the distance vision when I go to London and see if I can read the train departure boards and signage on the underground. I suspect things will be sharper, but its not going to mean I can see more but what I can see will be sharper and clearer. I'm always going to be partially sighted nothing is going to change that.

Reading glasses
But seeing close to when wearing my contact lenses seems to have changed considerably. I've always supposed to have worn reading glasses when wearing my contact lenses. The old prescription was +4s. At school I used to love having fancy frames for my reading glasses because I can't with my normal glasses. But over the past 10 years I found the reading glasses didn't make that much of a difference. Probably because of the changed to my vision. Now I certainly need to wear reading glasses if I want to be able to read anything close to or in less than 14 point font. I found going round the supermarket without reading glasses today a nightmare!

But I'll get some reading glasses sorted out and hopefully I can get some prescription sunglasses as well before we go on honeymoon so I can read on the beach. Never been able to do that before!

Confused
How my eye sight has changed has confused me a lot. It isn't how I expected it to change and I still don't really know what it will be like, not until I get my glasses. Although my contact lenses give me better all round vision my glasses give me my best vision distance and close to. It is so frustration that it is taking so long for the hospital to sort them out.

The last straw
Any way today having to deal with Moorfields about my glasses and the mixed information I was getting from them and getting used to my new vision with the contact lenses has left me feeling rather fraught, confused, impatient, and disappointed. Its as if I could put up with all the problems with my vision earlier this year and the two lots of surgery and all the time I've had to cope with limited vision knowing it could be corrected. I coped with all of that but now at the last hurdle I've just said NOOOOOOOOO I can't do this any more!!!!! I've been in a right state all afternoon. I'm sure my blood pressure must be through the roof.

I thought that blogging about it would probably help get it off my chest!

So the positive side is I have new contact lenses which enable me to cross roads with out fearing for my life - the first time in 5 months I've been able to feel confident crossing the road! It also means I'll get to buy some cool, trendy reading glasses. But I'm going to have to get used to not being able to just do with my contact lenses like I used to. I may have to resort to little half moon glasses to peer over like a Victorian spinster :-) So I can work at the computer and be able to read with out taking my glasses on and off! Little half moon glasses will probably suit me, in a saucy librarian kind of way or I'll just look like Mrs Tiggywinkle instead ;-)