CBT and Brighton

I had a really positive day today. I wanted to write about two of the reasons why my day was good. Those of you famila with psychotherapy will know that CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy, so the first part of this blog entry is a bit about that and how I have been feeling since being signed off work. The second part of my blog is about Brighton.

I'm sure that those who have not been seriously affected by stress or experienced a long term mental health condition must find it hard to understand what is all about. For me the last month has been a terrible one, looking back in many ways this whole year has been. Focusing on the last month though, I have been in almost a state of shock. All of us will have experienced that surge of adrenalin which makes your stomach lurch, your head swim, your body shake and the blood drain from your face. Most of us will only experience this a few times in our lives, if we receive shocking news or are involved in an accident maybe. For the last month I have felt like this for most of the time.

I have been shaking, twitching, finding it very hard to concentrate, feel sick, headachey, I feel very afraid of just about everything. I then slump into a state of listlessness and exhaustion. I think what I always under estimate and many others don't understand is how exhausting and debilitating living like this is for any period of time. I have some good days and some bad of course. I had to come home early from my parents because I was feeling bad, I just had a weekend where I felt totally hopeless. While all this is going on I am also feeling guilty for feeling like this and not being able to work at the moment.

So why do I feel like this? How can I ever feel better? Are questions I have been asking myself. Well, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which I haven't started yet but My psychiatrist has recommended I read about and follow the exercises in a book Called Mind Over Mood) is a way of constructively answering those questions. It's none of that "Tell me about your Mother?" business, instead the basic concept is that our:
Environment
Feelings/ mood
Physical state
Behaviour
Thoughts
are all intrinsically linked and affect one another. Patterns and cycles can be formed in how we respond to any of them because they all impact on one another. By considering how, my present situation, the past few years and major life events have impacted on all of the above I can begin to understand why I am feeling, and behaving as I am and also identify patterns to change and those to strengthen - there are always positives as well as negatives.

With some trepidation I started working on this today. I had been putting it off but today I felt like I could make a start. I have only taken a few tiny steps down this road but right now it seems to make sense to me, and not much has made sense over the last few months.

Brighton

So Brighton, well it was sunny today and I have been advised by my Drs that I need to get out into the fresh air and also, when feeling positive need to do things that on bad days I might find too stressful. There is no way this weekend I could have faced the train journey or crowds in Brighton. Today I knew it would be quiet in Brighton and the train journey didn't seem too daunting particularly as I wouldn't have to use the underground.

Although it was sunny until lunch time by the time I reached the beach it was cloudy. When I arrived in Brighton I took my usual route through the North Lanes, stopping off at the Dumb Waiter for a veggie breakfast. I'm sure the gull (I think it is a herring gull) pictured below would have loved some of the food. I'm guessing the gull is a youngster which is why his feathers are brown and his beak dark at this stage.

I managed to do a bit of Christmas shopping in the lanes. I love the North Lanes of Brighton I have whiled away a lot of time there, just mooching about and people watching. I headed down to the sea front after a couple of hours and took a picture of this adult herring gull who seemed to be looking right at me with his greedy little eye.

It was absolutely freezing on the sea front but I had a good walk, enjoying the sea air and the out of season atmosphere of the sea side. When we lived in Newquay my favourite time was off season in the winter when the rock shop went back to being a bakers!

I took a few pictures of the old burnt down pier as the rain clouds gathered in around it. I was lucky that the rain only reached Brighton as I was walking up the hill to the station. I still had the odd wobbly moment and I had to make sure that I didn't rush around too much as that makes me anxious. But all in all it was a successful day out, the first I have managed by myself in quite a while.

As well as Christmas presents for friends I also bought myself a rather nifty jumper dress, totally 80s-Christmas-jumper-tastic! I shall wear it on Christmas day and at New Year!